Courtney Love is Doing Fine

There's a reason that I'm an internationally recognized expert on female body image. Ever since I was six years old, the goddamned liberal media would come to me and ask my opinion about, say, Kate Jackson, and I would tell them that her chin was 11% too big. My musings would then become part of the media narrative and society would change for the better.

And that's where chin shaving came from. You're welcome.

I've been watching Courtney Love with some concern for well over a decade now. After the suicide of her husband, the great Kurt Cobain, Courtney mourned by getting stoned and naked in public a lot, which is the only acceptable way for halfway attractive girls to mourn. Everybody knows that.

Then I saw her on Comedy Central's Roast of Pamela Anderson a few years ago, and saw that she was stoned and overweight. Well, it goes without saying that I was mortified. the California authorities responded in the only way that they could, by taking her daughter away. Coutrney did the hard work of dropping the pounds and getting naked in public again (link NSFW) until the state of California and my mighty putz were satisfied and the family was at long last reunited. Everybody was so happy.

Despite what the Maoist and chronically wrong feminist movement would have you believe, a husky Courtney is a menace to society; while a slender, exhibitionist Courtney is a national treasure. And frankly, I don't think that cutting cocaine with a little extra laxative is too much to ask, is it?

Well, some in the goddamned liberal media are concerned that the merry widow Cobain has gone too far in the other direction and become too thin. That's the problem with the friggin' journalism profession: they actually believe that there is such a thing as "too thin," and that bulimia and anorexia aren't actually gifts straight from heaven.

Courtney can get as skinny as she wants, so long as her punk rock rack stays big and firm, like Brody Dalle's.

Well, the pressure has become too much for our heroine and she's had to start making excuses.

Courtney Love has been diagnosed with malnutrition - and blames the stress
of her ongoing fraud case for her dramatic weight loss.

The former Hole frontwoman sparked fears for her health after she
was pictured looking skinny in recent months.

And she admits she has a real problem with her weight after doctors
diagnosed her with malnutrition last month.

Love tells Britain's Grazia magazine, "I know I've got too skinny. I
know those pictures of me are going everywhere. I know I need to sort it out.

"I thought I was like 130 pounds, but I'm 118 pounds and I'm five feet
10 inches, that's not good for someone my height. I need to start working out
again."

I don't know about you, but 118 pounds at 5'10" sounds just right, and my opinion is the only one that matters, remember? If you weigh 130 pounds, you damn well better be thirteen feet tall.

But the rocker is adamant she will recover - and denies she has body dysmorphia,
an obsession with an imaginary physical defect.

You know, this body dysmorphia is getting a really bad rap. After all, it's not as though Courtney is amputating a leg or anything. And that would only be a problem if the leg was really nice. Therefore, there's nothing to recover from.

"Seriously, I want to get fatter. You know when I was 192 pounds, I thought I
looked hot! I'm serious about putting on weight."

Okay, that's an example of negative body dysmorphia. If she keeps that nonsense up, someone's going to have to take her kid away again.

Aren't you glad I went to medical school so you didn't have to?

If you're interested in learning more, look for my upcoming book, Simle for the Camera, Coco: The 23 Ways the Media Ruins Women and How Only I Can Save Them.